Consuming the Consummation
When I’m consumed by my handheld-pocket-fitting-glowing device, all my brain can think about is if there is some dopamine waiting around the rounded corner of an attention-seeking app. Luckily, a few weeks ago, my device broke due to water sneaking into it. I spent a whole day without the device. Which seems ridiculous now, but I kept on grabbing for it, well knowing it was broken, yet my instinct was to look at what might be awaiting behind the glowing rectangles.
I even felt the ghost vibrations. What in the actual hell-bending fuck have I done to myself? Am I rotten to the core? No. I just need to use my phone less. It is a tool, a hell of a good one, so good it became addictive and now heavily time-consuming. There are four apps on my phone where I waste time that I partially need to contact people and remind the world that I exist (how self-centred of me).
I started to do something when my device was replaced. During hours when I want to focus, I place the device into a drawer. This does two things: removes the constant distraction sitting on my desk waiting for me to pick it up and cycle through the same time-wasting apps, and second, forces me to find other things to look at when my brain asks for the device, like, say, picking up one of the four books sitting next to my monitor.
If there is anything I’d like to achieve, it would be to put the apps onto a different device to use only when 100% necessary and have my phone as it was intended to be, a fucking tool. It is supposed to be smart and help me do better, not take hours away and make my brain ask for more.
As the addict in me always likes to remind myself: I need it, I’m not addicted to it, it’s important for my day-to-day doings, etc. Whatever the excuse, I have it. Yet that one day I spent without it, I didn’t need it, I didn’t miss it, and my brain felt calmer, and the world was funner and more engaging than when I’m dependent on the next buzz from the time-sucking device.
I guess balance is key. That’s my conclusion, I think. Maybe it’s just keeping the phone out of sight when I want to engage with the world around me or find focus. We shall continue to experiment.
God bless.